Where Does Your Heart Live?

Last Saturday, the air smelled like smoke. Wildfires in Northern MN and Canada, sent smoke down to the Twin Cities, creating air quality warnings and filling the air with the faint smell of smoke. When I woke up I went downstairs to make coffee and with the windows open, the cool morning air smelled just like Uganda: a bit of smoke, the smell of burning, cool air, and sunshine. My mind and heart were immediately brought back to a place I call home. I felt sentimental all day, thinking about my Ugandan friends, wondering how they are doing, and missing East Africa.

Contrast that sentimentality with an overwhelming feeling of gratitude 3 days earlier as I drove home from dinner with friends at a local restaurant. Gratitude for the city we live in, the community we are developing, the green leaves, and warm weather. I just felt so thankful for where we are now.

It was strange, in some ways, to feel such love for two very different places within a couple of days. I almost didn't know how to hold my love for both at the same time. It made my realize that my heart lives in both places, here in MN and in Uganda. And, if I'm honest, my heart lives in many places.

Sometimes I feel sad that I am not one of those people that has lived in ____ "my whole life". I think about how last month we traveled to Tuscon to attend my husband's best-friend-since-Kindgerten's wedding. I don't have a best friend since Kindergarten or a friend I've known my whole life.

But I have something just as precious: friends around the country and the world who have shared their stories with me and been a part of my story during the times in my life I needed them most. I'm realizing that with all the moving I've done, including at least five places in my twenties, my heart lives in a lot of places. I've left pieces of my heart behind that say, "I was here and I love this place. There are people here that I love."

I'm also realizing that neither situation is better than the other. It's not somehow better to have lived in one place for a lifetime and it's not better that I've moved a lot. There are advantages and disadvantages to both and the situations are just different. No matter if someone has moved a lot or if a heart lives in one place, we all have the power and choice to tell a good story. I've chosen to tell my story in many different places. Some people choose to tell their story in one place. But I'm learning that it's not the setting that makes the story. It's the characters. Our stories are beautiful because of how we choose to live and love others.

Ultimately, my story and my heart are scattered around the country and the world. And I am grateful.

Reading Africa and the World

I recently heard this TED Talk and was thoroughly inspired by this woman's story of reading a book from every country in one year.



After hearing the TED Talk, I looked up her blog because I wanted to learn more. For example, how did she read that many books in one year? And how did she choose just one book from an entire country? And, of course I wanted to know: What books did she read from East Africa? I was totally inspired and fascinated by this project. (I just checked out her book to learn more!)

As I was poking around her blog, I found a post that mentioned an Africa Reading Challenge. Basically, a challenge to read 5 books from Africa in one year. Again, I was fascinated.

Most of the people who read this blog know that I am not much of a reader. I read only a handful of books a year, if I'm honest. It's kind of embarrassing, actually, considering that I am a librarian. I say only half-jokingly that I have a minor panic attack when a student comes up to me and asks: "Do you know a good book I could read?"

But, anyway...

When I do read, I am most often drawn to books about Africa or other parts of the world, which is probably why I've found both of these challenges so fascinating. Obviously from the title of my blog, I believe that stories are important. More than that, I believe that by learning the stories of people who are different from us, we will gain perspective and grow in understanding of the people around us. If we are willing to listen to others' stories, we learn from them and their experiences. I often say that if I don't immediately click with someone or if someone drives me crazy, I probably need to learn his or her story so I can be more gracious towards them.

I recently finished reading The Queen of Katwe, which was such a fun book for me to read since it's about a girl in Uganda. I currently have Congo: the Epic History of a People checked out from the library. But these different challenges have also reminded me the importance of reading about things and places I know nothing (or little) about. Reading about Uganda is fun because it's home to me in a lot of ways. But if I really want to grow in my understanding of the world, I need to look beyond what is comfortable and be willing to listen to the world.

Focusing on the Positive

I've been thinking a lot lately about my role as a librarian and where or how I fit into the librarian "mold". This academic year I am the Chair of the Library Department and it's been such an interesting (and challenging) experience as I work through what it means to be in this leadership role. New things often cause me to question my abilities and myself and, to be honest, I'm struggling a lot lately with self doubt.

For example, this year I am often tempted to think that:

• I am not an expert leader or librarian. 
• There are colleagues in my department who are much more skilled in talking about information literacy, institutional culture, departmental goals, and at interacting with administration. 
• I am not an expert at reference interviews and I am not good at teaching classes.

But.

If I am willing, new things can also help me learn about myself and my strengths. Not feeling like an expert doesn't mean I am bad at those things. I am learning that while I may not always consider myself an expert librarian, I am really good at doing certain things which help my department and students. If I don't focus on these good things I am easily intimidated, wondering if I am the right person for this leadership role or for the library. (My poor husband has talked me off the "I'm quitting my job!" ledge more than once this academic year.)

So, in order to focus on the positive, here is a list of things I have discovered and re-discovered this school year:

• I am getting really good at writing diplomatic emails and seeing the good in what everyone is saying and doing. I like to find the middle ground!
• I am good at helping students who need only a little encouragement and help.
• I am really good at (and really enjoy!) chat reference -- helping students online via chat service.
• I am good at listening to my colleagues when they need to talk.
• I am an energetic teacher and good at explaining things simply and directly. I don't use big words...and that's ok!
• I really enjoy working with English language learners.
• I'm good at welcoming the sheepish, "I'm new to the library" or "I have a stupid question" students.

So, there you have it. My attempt at positive self talk.

I am learning so much about myself and about leadership this year. And about how to believe in myself when I feel inadequate and overwhelmed. But I am reminding myself to focus on the positive and on my strengths.

And I am reminding myself (again and again!) that doing hard things, the things that scare me or feel overwhelming, are always worth doing.

I feel so out of my comfort zone lately.
So here's a reminder of a time I was totally in my element: in Africa. :)

Saying Goodbye

Two months.

Two months goes by so fast. It's hard to believe that tomorrow I will be back in the US. These two months have been so....actually there are no words. My heart is full. Thankful. Sad. Blessed. I have a lot to reflect on and process. The library, the land, the people...they have all touched my heart.

I've re-discovered a Ugandan tradition this trip. Whenever there is a big thing happening -- a birthday, a goodbye, a party, etc. -- and friends are together, they will all make a small speech, give encouraging words, and/or say something nice to the person of honor. Admittedly, at first I found this awkward. But after a couple times of participating (as a speech maker) I realized these words of affirmation are such a blessing. It's a beautiful way to honor someone as they embark on a milestone. And on Wednesday, as I sat with my friends at KEST to say goodbye, I wanted to freeze time. As the guest of honor this time, I wanted to remember every word spoken to me and capture every smile. It was such an amazingly meaningful way to say goodbye. And after everyone said something kind to me, I had the opportunity to share my own thoughts. To say thank you to my friends and tell them how much I will miss them.

Two days later, I'm sitting at the airport shocked at how fast this day came. I am surrounded by people from different cultures and languages, thinking of my friends. I love flying internationally and seeing the cultures and hearing the languages. Except today, knowing I am leaving a place I love.

But I am trusting and hoping this is not goodbye forever. Just for now.

And I will soak in my last moments of African sun.

Choosing Adventure

Last weekend I had the opportunity to attend a deaf church. When my roommate suggested I come with her, I didn't hesitate. Of course I would go! I also had the opportunity to go with a colleague and his family to visit his daughter at boarding school. Again, when the idea was presented, I didn't hesitate. Then, this past weekend, I went with my roommate to a sports gala for kids with special needs. I said I would help and had absolutely no idea what the day was except that it was a big event for kids with disabilities. All three adventures were amazing experiences -- memories I will treasure.

I'm realizing that this time in Uganda, and my last time in here, I was and am so willing to just say yes. To anything. I want to experience all this country, culture, and people have to offer. I want to build relationships and immerse myself. So I often say yes to doing things, even if I have no idea what I am in for.

Which has me thinking: am I as willing to choose adventure when I'm in the US?

To be honest, I think I shy away from many things when I am in my home culture. I feel hesitant to try new things or to just say yes. Even going to church by myself when Brian is out of town feels like a stretch. Why am I so willing to go off to who knows where and to sign up to do things here, when at home I hesitate?

I don't know why yet but I do know that I want to be more bold. To embrace the adventure of living in the US the way I embrace life in Uganda. This is one of those lessons I'm trying to hold on to and remember. I want to learn to embrace experiences in the US the way I've done here. To remain flexible and excited to try something new. To accept invitations without hesitation, knowing that by saying yes I am opening myself up to learning something new.

And, as always I want to remember that: the scary things, the things that make me hesitate, are always worth doing.

Kids performing at the Sports Gala

African Birthdays

I have now celebrated three birthdays in Africa. I know 3 out of 30+ isn't that many. But at the same time it feels special to this girl who never dreamed of traveling so far from home.

My first African birthday was my 21st, celebrated during my study abroad semester in Tanzania. It was a strange day and I remember feeling conflicted: thankful that my boyfriend at the time had organized a bunch of birthday cards to be sent to me but also sad to be with people I didn't know very well and far from those I loved.

I had decided early on in my college career that I wanted to study abroad. I chose Tanzania because I thought that, for me who had never left the country, Tanzania would be the most stretching. I figured if I was going to leave the country I might as well learn a lot. And I thought I would learn the most in Africa. I did learn a lot, especially on my birthday that year. I learned there are ups and downs to being in a different culture -- it doesn't always feel fun and happy. And I discovered that as much as you might love a place and it's people, sometimes it's still hard to be far away from loved ones.

Fast forward a few years and I spent my 28th birthday rafting the Nile with my sister and a good friend. That African birthday brought fear and exhilaration -- I had never rafter before and am admittedly not a good swimmer. But I survived and had a blast. And was reminded that scary things are always worth doing.

Fast forward a few more years and here I am, just spent a third birthday in East Africa. I don't know what the lesson is this year, except maybe a reminder that you never know what doors will open in life. When I left Uganda three years ago I never pictured I would be spending another birthday in this beautiful country so soon.

And yet, here I am. So grateful. So very blessed to be here. So excited to see how Africa continues to weave itself into my future story.

Taking It All In

I wish I could bottle up the sights, sounds, and smells of Uganda for all of you reading this blog in the US. I would share the perpetual smell of dust and cooking fires and the blue sky above red roads, green grass, and traffic jams. I would share the sounds of babies crying, kids shouting, horns blasting, motors back firing, birds singing, and African music. I wish I could capture this place for you.

This place.

This place I love so much.

This country that became home.

These people -- FRIENDS -- I love so much.

We take boda bodas (motorcycle taxis) to work each morning and since I wear skirts, I ride like a lady, aka side saddle. Sitting sideways and wizzing and bumping by people, traffic, shops, markets, chaos, and beauty makes me contemplative. I love watching the world on a boda...seeing snatches of life here and there. I catch glimpses of friends talking, women cooking, men washing cars and buses, children walking to school, and babies toddling. There is so much beauty in these moments amidst the chaos that is Kampala.

The other day we had a boda driver tell us that everyone here dreams of going to America. And I told him how I dreamed of coming here, to Uganda. He said, "But I don't know why. There is nothing here." And I wanted to wave my arms and say, because of all of THIS!

I guess I'm trying to take everything in and hold it all in my heart. And I guess, these words, from my heart, are my bottle home, capturing this place for all of you.

You are calling me from where?!

We made it! Last weekend, after a long 24 hours of travel we landed in Uganda. We stepped off the plane into the humid, African air and I'm sure I was grinning ear to ear as I hopped impatiently through the visa line. We arrived!

This first week was both busy and slow...just like life. Bursts of things to do and people to see, followed by long stretches of jet-lagged quiet when Brian and I looked at each other and said: now what?

But we are here! In Uganda!

We found our way to the grocery stores, set up our internet, attended an orientation, started to connect with friends, rode boda bodas, and even took an overnight trip to the nearby town of Jinja and saw the source of the Nile. It's not what we were expecting, to be honest. We thought we might start at the library. But, instead, we started to figure out how to explore a different culture together. It's different coming back as part of a married couple and I'm thankful for this week to spend some time figuring it out.

The Nile behind us!

My highlight this week: seeing my old boda boda driver, Sunday. Sunday is a good driver and a hard worker. I called him and when I said, "Hello, Sunday, this is Rachel." He said, "Rachel! But you are calling me from where?!" And he was so surprised when I said I was calling from my old flat. [Honestly, I was so excited to say that I'm here, in Uganda!] He was happy to come pick me and Brian up. And I was delighted to see an old friend.

Which reminded me why we are here: we are here to build relationships. We will go to the library tomorrow. And we will meet our new colleagues. And we will help somehow in the library over the next few weeks and months.

But more importantly we will build relationships and grow friendships. We will listen and learn. We will remember that our story is not about us, it is about loving others well.

And the world will grow smaller.

Learning Life Lessons From Giving 'Free' Time

The past few months I've been volunteering twice a week at a local non-profit that helps African refugees and immigrants get settled here in the US. I love it! I am surrounded by people from Africa and I have the opportunity to hear such interesting stories. I feel strongly about being a part of improving communities and in the US I believe that means being a part of welcoming newcomers to the community. I love being a part of helping these people get a bit more settled to life in America. I'm so thankful for my Ugandan friends who helped me find my way, that I believe this is one way to pass on my appreciation and to stay connected to the lessons I learned about living as a minority.

Anyway, most days I go into the office and assist clients that are currently looking for jobs. I teach them computer skills and how to fill out online job applications. I explain the general job search process and help them get started. Sometimes I help them with other computer-related questions, such as email. I ask them about where they're from and about their families...I listen to their stories. I celebrate with them when they get a job. Sometimes I research open jobs in the area. Other times I chat with the staff about African issues or my experience in Uganda. It's been a great way to maintain my teaching skills, stay connected in a small way to Africa, and to give some structure to my week.

One day last week when I arrived there weren't any clients to help so the staff asked me to file paperwork. They showed me the files, explained the system, and for three hours I filed. I punched holes in papers, pulled folders, and filed the papers. Not glamorous by any stretch of the imagination. And at one point it occurred to me that I could be annoyed by what I was doing. I could wonder why I gave my time [freely!] to simply file papers. I could feel frustrated that I'm still looking for a job and am spending my time doing this instead.

But I wasn't annoyed. I didn't mind at all, actually. Because one thing I am learning is that volunteering with such a great organization and wonderful people helps give a bit more purpose and perspective to my life right now. And, although I'm giving some of my time away for 'free', I'm learning a lot. I am learning about Minnesota and all the crazy paperwork newcomers to America have to fill out. I am learning to ask good questions and to listen to the immigrants' and refugees' stories. I'm surrounding myself with people who are positive about finding jobs in this economy.

But the most humbling thing I am learning is to let go of my pride at wanting the 'perfect' librarian job. So many of the clients I work with are happy to look for [and get] entry-level, $9/hr, factory jobs. It's made me think a bit more about about my job search. Since moving to Minnesota, I keep saying I just want a job, I just want something to do. But am I really looking for any job or for my 'perfect' job? I realized I was saying I just wanted a job but when it came down to it I didn't want any job, I wanted a librarian job. Which is fine, but I realized I needed to call my job search what it is: a search for a librarian position. The process of helping other people look for jobs is a good reminder that there ARE jobs out there. And that no job is necessarily better than another. Part of living here means paying rent, heat, electricity, etc. and there are times that any job that can pay the bills is good enough. So often I wrap my life purpose into to my job and this experience has reminded me that maybe, just maybe, my purpose is not what I do.

I recently read this article about volunteering and this one. They were encouraging articles reminding me about all the great things about volunteering. And while volunteering may not always be glamorous and it may not open any doors professionally, it is a good opportunity to put some purpose back into my life. It has helped me keep up some of my skills. And most importantly it is an opportunity to remind myself that the world is bigger than me and that in some small way I can stay connected and listen to the stories of African people.

On Continuing To Tell a Good Story

I know, I know. It's been a long time since I've written. What can I say? This whole trying to cram a bunch of life changes into a span of 6-8 months has been exhausting.

As most of my 'regular' readers [do you even exist?] know, this blog grew out of my time as a librarian in Uganda. I was determined to tell a good story while I lived there...I wanted my time in Uganda to be about other people, about loving them and learning from them, and not really about me at all. For the most part, I think I was successful. I learned to be a part of a new culture and to embrace the job I was there to do. I loved my time in Uganda. I love the friends I made there and the people I met. I miss them. I loved the work I did and the library I helped. That experience holds a very, very special place in my heart.

And here I am, more than six months later [what??] and trying to still figure out what the heck a US Library Story looks like. What MY story looks like. [And, as a result, what this blog should look like now.]

One of the things I'm learning in this process of not actually having a 'library' story but rather just a story, is that sometimes our lives aren't about anything big and grand and adventurous. Sometimes, a good story simply means learning to cook a new meal or being patient with the rude person in front of me in line at the grocery store or unpacking a box because it will make our new home less chaotic or calling a friend to whom I haven't talked to in a long time.

Right now my 'library' story mostly consists of applications, resumes, cover letters, interviews, phone calls, and emails. And, at this point, a temporary position at the local library [more on that another time].

I guess ultimately, what I'm discovering is that if I define my purpose in life by the activities I am currently doing, I will probably be disappointed. I don't want the ultimate purpose of my life to be: 'go to the grocery store and do laundry'. So instead I'm trying to frame what I do everyday into the context of a bigger story. To remember once again that this is just a chapter. My whole life is the story...not just the errands I run today or the load of laundry I fold. It's the choices I make with my attitude while I do those things that make a good story. And the new-to-Minneapolis-trying-to-find-a-job-and-figure-out-my-new-[and-married]-life chapter is just a small piece of the bigger story.

I don't know what my purpose is right now, exactly. But I'm thinking it simply has to do with loving the few people around me and being patient with myself. Giving myself grace while I figure this out. And finding ways to re-engage with the library world. To slowly learn what a [cold!] Minnesota Library Story looks like. And maybe to find ways to do exactly what I did in Uganda: listen to the stories around me and try to let my life be about others.

On Being a Librarian Without a Job

*Please excuse my complete lack of posts for the past two-three months. My excuses are: 1. I'm still trying to figure out what my library story looks like now that I'm back in the US and 2. (more excitingly) I got married less than three weeks ago and promptly moved across the country...sometimes life just takes over. :) But I do hope to start writing again as I explore a new library story in Minnesota.

I've decided that being a librarian is one of the best jobs in the world. Sorry to all you teachers, doctors, lawyers, nurses, whatevers out there. Being a librarian is great. We get the privilege of helping people find information...ultimately inspiring them. Just watch this TED Talk to see someone who changed his life because of information he found in a library.

Anyway, I knew how great libraries and librarians were when I was in Uganda. I loved my work. [I miss it!] And I wouldn't have become a librarian in the first place if I didn't see it as The Best Job in the World.

But I've been struck again but how great a job it is now that I don't have one.

Part of what I love about being a librarian is the purpose I feel when I'm at work. I honestly feel like I get to be a part of changing communities and lives by helping connect people to information. It's pretty exciting...knowing that you could be a part of a bigger story. Now that I am on the job market, I sometimes find myself wondering what my purpose is. And I'm trying to define the purpose of my life in new ways.

My days are full with other things right now [job searching one of them] but I've definitely felt the lack of purpose. I miss the satisfaction of finding a patron the perfect book or watching the light bulb go on when they learn something new on the computer. Because, let's face it, unpacking suitcases and finding the nearest supermarket just doesn't have the same purpose.

And I've discovered again how much the American culture places an emphasis on what we do. One of the first questions people ask when you meet them is: What do you do? [And when you're to a new place, you get this question a lot!] This can be an incredibly depressing question if what you do is job search...you look for what you are going to do in the future. It can make the future feel more important than the now. Which is exactly the type of mentality I learned to NOT live by in Uganda...where the focus is more on now and not later. Talk about culture shock!

So, I'm trying to find new ways to define the purpose of my life. And not simply focus on my job. I'm learning to take joy in finding information for those around me and for myself. If being a librarian involves connecting people to information, I'm trying to find satisfaction in doing that every day, whether it's looking for a job, finding our next apartment, or looking up local things to do. I'm exploring ways to get involved in the community while I look for a job. Most importantly, I'm trying to give myself permission to simply BE.

I'm learning again that a good story is not with out it's ups and downs, transitions, and a whole lot of unknown. I've started a new chapter and have no idea where it's going...and isn't that what makes a good story? 

And I refuse to define my story--tell my story--based solely on what I do...but also on who I am.

Thousands of Words

I realized recently that I never put enough pictures on this Library Story blog of mine. Mostly I've used it for reflecting on the different aspects of Librarianship in another context. But it occurred to me that it might be helpful to share a few pictures. To show you about my life in Uganda and not just tell you about it, lest you think I was living in the bush, seeing giraffes every day. Admittedly, it's a very random selection but they are things that both show my life and my work. I know they're a bit overdue but better late than never, right? And if a picture's worth a thousand words, here are a lot of words. :)

You've seen these little guys before...Seme and Young.
They became 'regular' patrons...coming in to play games, color,
and play on the computers. The rule was: if they played quietly
and cleaned up after, they could stay. If not, they had to go.

Typical day in the library. Group studying with lots of books.

And you think your city has traffic jams. This is the area
I went to catch a taxi.

The RTC Library Book Truck. And Seme helping. :) It's fairly
simple compared to some book trucks I've seen in the US but
it gets the job done, which is the important part.

New computers! This year I installed and networked 5 of
these new-to-us laptops. Computers took up a lot of
my time in Uganda! But I learned so much!

A view from the back of the library...door is in the upper,
right-hand corner.

Dust! I was always cleaning up dust. Here's what I found
when I emptied some shelves. Yuck!

What's Next?

The top three things people say when hearing I have moved back from Uganda:

1. Wow! Welcome Back!
2. How was it?/What was it like?
3. What's next?

The truth is, the first question is a bit loaded. To sum up a year and half of my life into a few words or sentences is difficult. It was wonderful, amazing, difficult, lonely, heart-breaking, beautiful, life-changing. But, of course, not everyone wants all those details. So, usually I just say it was great. :)

And the second question? I'm not sure, to be honest. I'm getting married in September and moving to Minneapolis. I'm pretty excited about these next life steps [nothing like putting several of life's major transitions into a few months!] but also a bit overwhelmed. I'm looking for another job, of course, and trying to figure out how my skills translate into a different culture.

As for this blog...I'm also not sure yet. I discovered that I enjoy writing more than I expected. Having a place to share my random thoughts about culture, Africa, and libraries was helpful for me. I'd like to keep writing but am still figuring out what that could look like. So, for now, I still have more reflections and will probably keep writing for the foreseeable future as I continue to process my time in Uganda.

A new chapter is beginning.

Making America Home Again

I have now been back in the US for almost three weeks. My heart's a mess, to say the least. I have a lot of reflecting to do...and am trying to just roll with the emotions. I want to transition well and am trying to let myself think things are weird, cool, hard, exciting, etc. Someone told me it can take a year to really transition back, which was freeing to me...I don't have to feel completely adjusted yet! Which is good, because I'm not. :)

I wrote a post similar to this in December when I was visiting the US with some similar observations and I'm finding many of the same things overwhelming. But I'm also finding the cultural adjustments a bit harder this time. Like I'm a stranger in my own country. In December, if I thought something was weird here in the US I just told myself "It's ok, you're just visiting...you'll be back in Uganda soon". This time I don't have that luxury [another issue in and of itself to sort through]. I'm trying to make America home and finding it a harder process than I expected.

So, for now and for what it's worth...here are the American things I am still getting used to:

• PAVED roads [everywhere!] and orderly driving.
• Advertisements everywhere.
• Tap water for brushing teeth or drinking [I almost always think I need to bring water into the bathroom with me to brush].
• Clean feet.
• Eggs with yellow yolks...they look so fake! [before you ask: most eggs I saw in Uganda had white yolks].
• Not seeing my Ugandan friends everyday.
• Planning...the pace of life in the US is so different than in Uganda. I feel like I'm having trouble keeping up with everything.
• Air conditioning. Mostly only banks and other 'official' buildings have air conditioning in Uganda.
• Stuff...not sure how else to say it but there's just stuff everywhere. Stores are full of all kinds of things. And full of lots of one thing. I had a breakdown in a particularly large thrift store, of all places...I just couldn't get over how much excess people had to donate.
• Bazungu (white people) everywhere. I got so used to being a minority, it's weird to be living in a community where there is little diversity.
• No boda bodas...I really miss riding motorcycles. And being able to just call 'my' boda drivers to come pick me up.
• Credit cards...swiping a card makes spending money feel a bit fake. 
• Being able to call my fiance every day. :)
• Shorts...after living in a culture where people dress conservatively I am often distracted by people (men and women) wearing shorts. It's weird to see so much skin! And the first time I wore shorts, I felt so naked.
• American accents. I miss Ugandan English. And find myself saying 'Sorry' to everything.
• Texting with a full keyboard. My American phone has a full keyboard...my phone in Uganda was just a basic phone with a number pad. I got so used to texting the 'old fashioned' way it's great to have a QWERTY keyboard again for texting again. (Hey, it's the little things, right? :))
• Long days. Daylight on the equator is 7am-7pm...I still can't get over the fact that it stays light until after 9pm!

Anyway, those are just some of my little reflections. I'm trying to just let myself react to things as I react and feel what I feel (without analyzing why, etc.) and I figure these things are all part of the process. The process of making more than one culture home.

Reflections Come With Change

*Warning: this is a reflective post written after a long week and particularly emotional day. But I'm determined to see all my time here as one big story. I don't want to simply focus on my library work and instead want to focus on a comprehensive reflection of living in Uganda. Just FYI. :)

Today was graduation at RTC. Students that finished last year returned for the ceremony. Families arrived to support their graduates. I helped wrap 40+ gifts for those graduating and folded tons of programs. The compound was cleaned and the grass 'slashed' (i.e. mowed). It's been a busy week.

I don't know why but this time of year always makes me reflective. As a student I always hated the end of a semester. Weird, I know. You'd think I would be happy to see the end of the work and get to a break. Which I was. But I also hate change, so seeing something end (even a semester) makes me sentimental. [Side note: I can remember only one New Year's Eve where I was actually excited about the coming year...most years I feel sad to see the old year go. Yeah, change is not my thing.]

This semester is no different.

Maybe I'm extra sentimental because this was my last semester at RTC. But I've been thinking a lot about the time I've spent in Uganda and the stories I've heard, the people I've met. I said goodbye to a lot of them today. I don't know if they realize how much they've touched my heart or impacted my life. I don't know if they know how much I'm going to miss them or how sad I am to say goodbye. I know people come and go from our lives but right now it's hard to imagine that all too soon these people will not a part of my every day life.

And I keep thinking about the story of this past semester. Thinking about the library and the students. It's been a busy semester in a lot of ways...for most of the time I was a solo librarian, which meant I was the only one around to answer questions, work on cataloging, field IT issues. I was stressed a lot of the time, to be honest. I lost perspective. Forgetting why I was here and getting caught up in the feelings of being overwhelmed. It's embarrassing, actually.

Because as I looked across the chapel today during graduation, I was reminded that I don't want my life to be about the little stresses I too often get distracted by at work or in life. It's about choosing to pay attention to those around me and to be present in the moment. And to focus on the beautiful stories around me. I came here because of a library. But I chose to engage in the community around me. And that made my library experience so much richer.

I hope I never see a job as simply a job. But rather I hope I can remember the importance of engaging with those around me, listening to their stories, and becoming a part of my community.

Graduates! :)

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Bye, Muzungu!

I think one of the biggest and most ongoing adjustments to living in Africa is the fact that I stand out. A lot. As in, it's very hard [read: impossible] to be anonymous when you live in Uganda as a white person. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, it's just a fact of life. And it can take many, many forms.

Sometimes it's a creepy man that tries to grab you as you get off a taxi. Sometimes it's a boda driver charging extra because he thinks since you are white, you have extra money. Sometimes it's hearing people laugh as you pass them, which is my personal least favorite. Sometimes it's just people watching as you walk by. Sometimes it's a grown man passing you on the street, saying "How are you?" in a falsetto voice.

But the most common form of the lack of anonymity is children singing out "Bye, muzungu!!" as you walk by.

[Note: muzungu is a Swahili word used around East Africa that basically means white person, European, wanderer, or traveller.]

To be honest, I still haven't decided how I feel about this greeting. Some days, it's cute. I smile and wave and greet them. Some days, though, I want to walk home in peace. Without people calling out to me. I know the kids aren't being rude [most of the time] but sometimes it gets tiring and I don't know how to respond. I know that for many of them they're simply excited to actually see a muzungu up close.

And I've been thinking about this a lot lately. About what it means to be 'different'. And how we respond to people who are different than us.

Or more specifically, how do I respond to people who are different than me?

I like to think that I am a pretty open minded person. A big advocate of saying that people are simply people. We're not that different...we live, laugh, love, etc. But I sometimes wonder if my response is because I've spent the majority of my life as part of a majority population. Yes, people are people but how do I really respond to people who are different than me?

Living as a minority is a huge eye-opener. I hope this doesn't make me come across as being prejudiced before I came here. I don't think I was. But let's face it, I wasn't really any kind of minority or living in a particularly diverse place in the US.

But living as an obvious minority, only understanding some of the language, and being called out to regularly because of my skin color is completely life-changing and humbling in ways that are hard to explain. It can be uncomfortable and lonely. Awkward. It has made me incredibly thankful for people who look past my skin color, accept me as me, and treat me as a person, not a curiousity.

This experience has also opened my eyes to a world that I knew existed in the US [and, yes, even argued against] but that I didn't necessarily understand. I hope that my experience here will change the way I interact with people when I return to the US. I hope it makes me more welcoming to people who are 'different' than me. It's too easy to pull away, to separate ourselves from people who are different than us. It's more comfortable to be with people who are 'like' us. But that doesn't build community. Building community is about getting outside our comfort zones, loving others, and building relationships. Alike or not.

So, I still don't know how to respond to a child calling 'Bye, muzungu!' but I do know that I want to be a welcoming and loving person, accepting people for who they are. I want to build relationships and be like my Ugandan friends who take the time to get to know ME and don't make assumptions about who I am based on the color of my skin or my nationality.

May I strive to be like them.

Cultural Differences...and How We're Really All the Same

Last week we had a Spiritual Conference at RTC. I wasn't able to attend every session but the ones I did were great. There is something so powerful to me every time I got to Chapel at RTC. Something amazing about being in a room surrounded by men and women from all over Africa. I can't describe it exactly. It's powerful to me knowing that despite all our different backgrounds we all ended up at the same place: at RTC at the same time. And maybe there's something about knowing that despite the fact that we come from all over the world, we are united by our common faith. I have so much to learn from them. We took communion on Friday and having the opportunity to experience communion with people from around the world was so special. [Actually it was more than special, I'm just having trouble putting it into words.]

Anyway, we also had a cultural afternoon on Wednesday as part of the week. It was full of skits, songs, dances, and a lot of laughter. It made my day. And my week. It was so fun to see the students sharing bits of themselves, their countries, their cultures. There were traditional songs, marriage ceremonies, and dances. Plus skits reflecting things they've learned this semester. I think the best part was sitting there, often not understanding the words/language, and yet still being able to enjoy everything with those around me. Laughter and humor are contagious. I decided that there's something joyful and almost spiritual about sitting in a room of people and laughing together. It breaks down language barriers and cuts through divisions. I think laughter [at least genuine laughter, not the laughing at others kind of laugher] bonds people in a powerful way. When we learn to laugh with people who are different than us, we share something with them.

I was struck [again] by how thankful I am to be here, in Uganda, and at RTC. I love these people so much! And consistently humbled that I have the opportunity to know them and learn from them.

And I also realized [or re-realized] that deep down we're all the same. The marriage ceremonies might be different but the premise is the same: two people joining their lives together. The languages might be different but the songs are still about trusting God. Our cultures are different, but I am constantly reminded that people are people. I wrote about this last month...how pain is pain, joy is joy. And this week I discovered that laughter is laughter. Shared experiences, especially ones that create strong emotion [sadness, laughter, etc.] bond people in mysterious ways. And for that, I am grateful for this week. For a chance to enjoy time with my African brothers and sisters. A chance to learn with them and about them. A chance to hear them worship and a chance to watch them laugh.

South Sudanese students sharing songs
about God in Juba Arabic

Traditional Masaai song

Congolese marriage song/dance

Watching

I love RTC students!

RTC School of Music...amazing to hear them sing!

Side note: Several students asked me why I didn't share anything about American culture. 'American culture' is a funny thing and hard to explain. We don't have songs to sing when people get engaged or cows that are given. We don't have the same emphasis on 'traditional songs'. I was glad I wasn't asked to share anything because I have no idea what I would have shared!

Hating the Book I Love

I've said it before but...a big part of why I choose to pursue coming to Uganda was because I read a book called A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, by Donald Miller. In it Miller talks about how we're called to tell good stories with our lives. Not simply wait around for a big, booming voice to tell us what to do. Not simply trying to earn enough money to just have a big house and new car. It's about thinking of our lives as stories and being an intentional characters in those stories. Characters that make good choices, take risks, face conflict, and love others.

And I love this concept. This book changed my life...it made me stop waiting around for the 'perfect' job and start thinking about how I could make a difference in the world. I love the idea of making my life about something bigger than myself. When I come to the end of my life I want to know I took risks and made choices that helped me tell a good story. I want to know that the story of my life was more interesting that simply accumulating stuff or advancing my career. I want to know that my character (me!) told a compelling story. I think Donald Miller's book has a lot of people thinking about the lives they're living and what they really want. And that's a good thing.

But I'm starting to wonder if this idea has a few flaws. Or maybe not flaws exactly but things that can be misleading if you haven't read the book.

Because I think that on the surface, the 'tell a good story with your life' idea can make people [read: me] think several things:

1. They're not telling a good story if they're not traveling the world.
2. They're not telling a good story if they don't have life changing stories or 'interesting' stories every day.
3. That telling a good story means doing fun/exciting/unique things all the time.
4. That telling a good story means doing something dramatic or drastic.
5. That their current story is boring because they aren't doing any of the above.
6. And so on.

Obviously, I packed up and moved to Uganda. And, yes, that was a huge change. But I have to believe that part of what involves a good story is more in our day to day decisions and less in the momentous decisions we make. And not everyone needs to move to Africa. And that the stories of people that live in the US aren't any less exciting or important. 

My favorite part of Million Miles is this where Miller talks about Victor Frankl, who survived the Holocaust. He talks about pain in our lives and how that's all part of a bigger story. "He said to me I was a tree in a story about a forest, and that it was arrogant of me to believe any differently. And he told me the story of the forest is better than the story of the tree...I sat by the fire until the sun came up; and asked God to help me understand the story of the forest and what it meant to be a tree in that story."

And that's the story I keep thinking about. Not my story. But Uganda's story. Africa's story. America's story. God's story. 

The stories we tell together, corporately, make a much larger, more beautiful story. We can't tell our stories alone. We need each other so that the story of humanity is beautiful. About peace and love and all those other beautiful things.

Telling a good story with our lives isn't just about running marathons, climbing mountains, moving to new countries, or working for non-profits. Although, those things are great and important and worth doing. [I don't want to offend anyone!] A good story is about more than simply doing cool/trendy things just to do cool/trendy things. Instead, I think, a good story is about loving others, even when it's hard. It's about learning from them. It's about having hard conversations about race, poverty, justice, love, pain. And doing something about that hard stuff. A good story is told in the quiet moments of laughter, love, and perseverance. It is about making choices to focus on things that are bigger than ourselves and our own selfish tendencies.

I'm not sure what has me thinking about all of this. Maybe it's the fact that I know I only have a few months left in Uganda and I'm scared out of my mind of going back to the US. Scared of going back, living in some quiet suburb, finding some 9-5 job, and telling a boring story again. Worried of getting caught up in the rat race of accumulating stuff. I'm terrified knowing that this chapter of my story will come to a close sooner than I'd like. Maybe I've listened to the lies that say a good story is only for those who do something drastic. That a good story can't be told in the quiet moments of the day. 

But I have to believe those lies aren't true. I have to believe that telling a good story--that the story of the forest--isn't about me at all.


[To read Miller's elements of a great story, you can check out this post on his blog.]

Snapshot: Wednesday

I thought I would take a break from these snapshots. I thought I would run out of things to show you. But then today, as I was walking to the Office I met this guy on the path...one of two pigs that live at RTC. At least for now. Rumor has it that this one will be, um, no longer around this weekend. I have literally chased chickens out of my library before. I'm just waiting for the day one of the pigs wanders in too.

To be honest, I fear the pig as they say here. When I took
this picture it just stared at me. I kept hoping it wouldn't
start running at me!

Snapshot: Sunday

Well, I decided to give you a few more details of life here in Uganda...not sure how long I'll keep this up but I figured I should at least finish out the weekend. :) So for now here's another random detail of life here.

Yesterday was what I call a 'normal' Sunday. I went to church in the morning, had lunch with some fellow bazungu, came home, relaxed, had dinner and had some Skype time with loved ones in the US. I love days like that! Nothing crazy or exciting, just enjoying the quiet pace of life after a busy week. But really, it's those small moments that make life so great, right? The small moments of beauty....the meaningful conversations, slow pace, and worship with Ugandan believers makes Sundays here a wonderful way to start a new week.

At any rate, my roommate texted me while I was at church and asked if we could make breakfast for dinner and if I would pick up sausages at the supermarket on my way home. I decided to make apple pancakes to go with! But here's another detail of my life that's different than the US: before eating fruits or veggies, we bleach them. Just to make sure all the bad stuff is killed and to avoid getting sick from said bad stuff. And no, they don't taste like bleach. :)

Don't worry...a small amount of bleach in all that water!